The biggest lie in Western Civilization is that medical science has learned everything there is to know about healing the human body. I refer to this as the Magic Pill fallacy. The reality is that coming to an accurate diagnosis can take years. If and when you come to a diagnosis, there may not be any "approved" treatments.
The most toxic aspect of the Magic Pill fallacy is that doctors have embraced it as truth. If an insecure physician does not have an easy answer for your concerns, they may tell you there is no answer at all. They may say something like, "You just need to accept it", or "I can't fix this".
This is the category in which I find myself. I am a survivor of medical gaslighting from 2013- 2021 by a western medicine specialist. According to him, I am not worthy of being told the truth. By minimizing and ultimately withholding my diagnosis, he ensured that I was unable to access pain control. His actions led me to suffer needlessly, all so he could maintain control over my autonomy in regards to managing my pain. My choice to no longer see him was one of the healthiest decisions I've ever made.
I may be powerless to change Canadian healthcare regulations, but I refused to be helpless.
This is a marathon, not a race
Everyday is an opportunity to stand up for yourself. Every step forward needs to be made mindfully. At times, you will fail miserably. Sometimes you will be completely overwhelmed by all the work that needs to be done. For every step forward there will likely be a few steps back. Do not, under any circumstances, give up on yourself. You must commit to yourself that you will see this through. Modern medicine may be content to watch you wallow in your suffering, but is that what you really want?
Talking to a Healthcare Practitioner in the Public Health Sector
If you are meeting a new practitioner you need to make an effort to control what you say. Be clear and concise. The more you talk, the less they will listen. They don't want your life story, they have a certain list of words that they are permitted to respond to and that is it. They do not care about you. They are too compliant, too over worked, and too exhausted to actually consider you as anything but a check box on a form. Rambling on is something I am absolutely guilty of, and even before the pandemic, I can say with certainty that doctors treat you like crap for it.
If you exhaust all avenues within the public health sector, you need to look to the private healthcare sector
There are many people who will speak to you even if you cannot afford to be their patient. Please note: you are not entitled to a practitioner's time, and so try to be concise. If they do not reply, move on. Find anyone and everyone with practical experience treating issues similar to yours, and see if they have any potential ideas and solutions on where and how to receive care within your means. Be weary of snake oil salesmen.
Listen to your gut
No one knows what you are going through better than you. If your doctor will not discuss treatment options with you, or is denying you pain medication with the understanding that you are suffering and could benefit from them, you need to stop going to see them. You are worthy of relief. You are worthy of comfort. You are worthy of care.
If you have a primary care physician (GP) that you trust, be completely open and honest with them about where you are emotionally and physically
Your GP can assist you in forming a treatment plan. Document symptoms with a journal if you have trouble expressing yourself during your appointment. Translate entries into point form and bring it with you to your next appointment.
Try to keep an open mind, because even if you disagree with your doctor, there is more than one solution to any given problem. You don't have to follow their advice, but bouncing ideas around could lead to an effective solution you wouldn't have considered otherwise. (Science!)
Pain management is not limited to the pain itself
Your body is directly impacted by your behavior and your ability to regulate emotions. It is important to recognize that the people in your life are impacted by your pain, especially if you have children and a romantic partner. Yes, you are the one suffering, but try and imagine what it would be like if roles were reversed. It is not easy to watch loved ones suffer.
Communication that is clear, calm, and honest is essential. Family therapy may be required in order to achieve this, as it can be hard to address our inability to meet the needs of the people we love. At the same time, if our family ignores our personal needs, it can cause resentment within us. One or both scenarios are likely. These issues need to be addressed in a healthy manner as quickly as possible.
Growing resilient as a family will ensure everyone's needs are being met, and that expectations and boundaries are set within your physical, psychological or emotional limitations.
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries with relatives and friends is a very good place to start limiting unnecessary harm. This will be easier for some people than others, but it cannot be understated how important this is. If the people in your life are regularly asking too much of you, and this is something that is causing you unnecessary suffering, you need to stop saying "yes".
To put it concisely: "NO" is a full sentence.
You do not need to be abrasive or argumentative in order to do this. You either need to state in a clear and calm manner why the request is unreasonable, or help the person understand your limitations. If things get heated, it may be necessary to take a short break from communication. Give them a period of time for adjustment and see how it goes. Moving forward, you may need to go low contact.
In the worst case scenario, you may need to end your relationship with a person or social group all together. This is not a fun thing to do, but neither is pushing your body (or mind) beyond it's limitations on a regular basis. Depending on the specifics of your situation, it may be better to be alone than stuck in a toxic social dynamic.
If you are not familiar with boundaries, you are not alone. Click here for an article from Psychology today that clearly defines 'boundaries'.
Developing and adapting a new, healthier routine
When it comes to suffering, it is very important to feel heard. There is a very real reason the placebo effect makes people feel good - having someone carefully listen to you describing your experience is an act of care in itself.
If you are being medically neglected, it may be a worthwhile endeavor to find a support group. I would highly discourage anyone from attending a facebook support group. Try to find an organization with trained facilitators and a group guideline. Most support groups are online, but some have moved back to in- person. There are many open mental health groups, and there are pain support groups as well. Find whatever works best for you, and don't be afraid to try more than one group.
Be kind to yourself
Make note of your accomplishments, however small. It is very important to remember what we are capable of doing and celebrating that.
Surround yourself with people you find comforting and supportive, and set out to engage in activities that bring you enjoyment whenever possible.
Reach out to someone you trust when you are in despair and need to feel heard.
You may need to fight for your quality of life. This fight may be within yourself, or it may be with bureaucracy, the legal system, or your employer. Whomever the fight is with, being empowered is the best way to ensure that you can advocate for yourself, and being empowered takes a whole lot of work.
Conclusion
I know first hand how lonely it is to suffer. Even with support, there is an element of loneliness that may not be possible to address. It is helpful to remember that suffering is the one thing every human being on this planet has in common. When we connect with ourselves and others, we can reduce that suffering.
If you want a better life, you need to make a commitment to yourself to behave in a manner that is more conducive to your health. You cannot, under any circumstances, give up. You have everything to gain by improving your life. Change can be scary, but it is absolutely worth the effort.
For yourself, for your family, and for your community: become resilient. Take your losses, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Your life is in your hands.
Take care of yourself, and thank you for reading.
If you self- harm, please consider seeing a counselor. You can adapt to pain and still have a good life. If you have suicidal ideation, please contact www.crisiscentrechat.ca (12pm-1AM) or call the Crisis Line at 1.800.784.2433.
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